i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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