Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What a dumb baby whore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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