Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
