he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
