apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
