I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
