what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
