At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
