She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
