wakey wakey hands off snakey
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
