we're blogging at a bar
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
