I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
