Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
