I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The best revenge is premature balding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
