I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
