I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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