this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk is not a location!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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