I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
