I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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