I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
