You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how drunk are you?
Several
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
