clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
