he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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