I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
