Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
