I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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