So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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