you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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