I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
