Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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