UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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