it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
