Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
