Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
