What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
