if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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