I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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