p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
