Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
