I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
