Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
