So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
