her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
