i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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