its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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