can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
