Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
