Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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