If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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