i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
