Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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