He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
