there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
