I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
