Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
