I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
