About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
