True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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